Visiting American Homes
If you have lived in the States for a while, you have probably made friends with some Americans. What if you get invited to their homes? What is good etiquette for visiting, and what can you expect?
Unlike some other cultures, Americans often entertain in their homes. It is common to be invited for a dinner, barbeque, cocktail party or even potluck. Americans are very informal, and may show you around their home if you are a guest. Feel free to compliment different things—furniture, pictures, the paint color on the wall, whatever. Americans love this. You may hear “make yourself at home” which is meant to make you feel comfortable and relaxed.
If you are invited to an American’s home for dinner:
1. Do not bring your children or unexpected guests unless the host specifically suggests that you bring them along.
2. If you have specific dietary needs, for example, if you are a vegetarian, it is ok to let your host know in advance.
3. Bring a gift. Good gifts include wine, dessert foods (cookies, cake, etc), or flowers.
4. Arrive around 5-10 minutes later than the invitation time. Never arrive to someone’s home early or unexpectedly.
5. Dress nicely, but casually. Formal dress is not necessary, and may make the normally informal Americans a bit uneasy.
6. It is common for alcohol to be served. If you do not drink alcohol for personal or religious reasons, you can decline (‘no thank you”) without explanation and ask for a nonalcoholic drink.
7. Thank the hosts before leaving. You do not have to kiss goodbye, as is common in some other cultures. A smile and warm comment is sufficient. Men may choose to shake hands. It is not necessary to send a follow up note or gift, but a phone call is appropriate, if desired.
At the Table
In the American home, food is placed on the table “family style” in serving dishes and everyone helps themselves. Serving portions are BIG compared to most cultures. Your host may ask you if you want more. If you do, say yes. Unlike some other cultures, you do not have to refuse the first time. If you refuse, you may not be asked again. It is also fine to ask for more once everyone is served and eating by saying “could you please pass the ---.”
Remember:
- Start eating only after everyone has been served.
- Use your hands for pizza, bread, olives, uncooked vegetables (not salad), and sandwiches.
- Keep your napkin in your lap, and your elbows off the table.
- Do not slurp, burp, or make noise when eating.
- When in doubt, watch the people around you.
